Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I Want a Donut

There are donuts in the cabinet and I want one so badly.  The kids are upset because Peter isnt here (he will spend today and tomorrow in NJ at work meetings) and I am so tired because I fell asleep in the recliner downstairs and didnt get a good night's sleep.  Yesterday, I ate crap all day (leftover pizza for breakfast, lunch, and snack, and then fish sticks for dinner) and I didnt have a chance to work out at all.  I feel like shit.  And I want a donut.  Because they are chocolate and they are there.  And, instead, I'm sitting at the dining room table blogging.  Because, as much as I want a donut, I dont want to give in and eat the donut.

My mother-in-law has offered to watch the kids so that I can go to the gym, but I feel like a bad mother if I take her up on it.  I know that it could really help give me the motivation to go, and would (most likely) make me a better mom because I'd be recharged, refreshed, and in a better mood.  And yet... I'm too afraid to just say "SURE!" and go.  Because I feel like I'm pawning my kids off so that I can go have some "me" time.  And that makes me feel like a bad mother.  But maybe I should say yes.  Maybe it would make a me a better mother if I werent so on edge all the time and if I worked out for my own self esteem.

I don't know... I'll talk to her.

Because I really want the chocolate donut, I just riffled through the pantry and found an unopened canister of Slim Fast "creamy chocolate" from their High Protein 3-2-1 plan.  I bought a vanilla and a chocolate a while back, and had opened the vanilla (a while back is several months ago and there's about 1/3 of the vanilla powder left).  Since I dont really eat all the time because I'm busy, I thought a shake might be an easy way to go.  But I flaked on that too.  While the chocolate is definitely a SF shake, it tastes like chocolate, and that is helping. Plus it is giving me breakfast.  I'll consider this a win-win for me.  Now, if I could just keep it up...

Since I was on their website anyway, I noticed they have an online program to log into, etc.  I was debating Weight Watchers Online, but since this one is free, I decided to register.  It asked for my weight (and, honestly, every single time I type in 238 I feel like a huge cow) and height and is now creating a plan for me to reach my ideal weight.  It pops up my life for today, and gave me options to change the food things around (in case I didnt like the selections it auto-generated).

Clicking on the food items gives you directions and ingredients for preparation.  They didnt look that difficult, and they came fully prepared with nutritional information.

It's hard for me to get too excited because I have no will power and I often flake out of going to the gym or eating well.  But this is step one.  And I know this about myself, so hopefully that will give me enough will power to try another day.

We shall see...