Monday, February 28, 2011


Weight: 187

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c), greek yogurt (120c), coffee (40c)=290c
AM Snack: granola bar=140c
Lunch: turkey and swiss on walnut-wheat bread (350c), 1/4c baked ziti (75c), piece of chocolate (40c)=465c
PM Snack: Greek yogurt=110c
PM Snack: SF bar=100c
Dinner: rotini with sauce and quorn "meat"balls (300c), baked ziti (75c), garlic bread (150c), salad (150c)=675c
Dessert: SF bar (100c), pudding (60c), chocolate heart (40c)=200c

Total: 1980

So much for doing better today!

The Week in Review, 2/21-2/27

started out blogging with the scale reading: 190.5 lbs
As of this morning, the scale reads: 187 lbs
Total Weight Lost:   3.5 lbs
This is better than last week.

I started out the week hoping to do at least 4 days of exercise.
This week, I ran over 4 days.
This is worse than last week.

This week, I wanted to keep my calories around 1700 per day.
My best day logged 1640 calories and my worst day logged 2790 calories.
My average calories, per day, for the week, were 2094.

2 of 7 days were within my calorie range.
This is worse than last week.

On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being a complete success with no regrets, I would give this week a 5.  My food choices werent great, especially since I got toasted on one night.  We had two birthday celebrations, which accounted for some of my choices.  I need to learn to eat better around people.  That seems to be my biggest source of downfall.  Two of my runs included pushing the kids in the stroller, so I am super excited and happy about that.  I saw 186 on the scale and am sad that isnt my number, but it is my own fault for going overboard, so I have to be okay with that.

Sunday, February 27, 2011


weight: 188.5  (I'm not surprised after yesterday, boo hoo)

Lunch: soup (80c) and sandwich (400c), greek yogurt (120c)=600c
Snack: greek yogurt=140c
PostWorkout Snack: frozen yogurt=250c
Dinner: cutlet (240c), onion rings (260c), veggies (50c), bread (140c), ketchup (25c)=715c

Total: 1705

Pushed the stroller and ran 4.5 miles in an hour, burned approx 600 calories
(the best part?  my first mile was 16m but by the time I did the last mile, it was slightly over 12m!!!)

Saturday, February 26, 2011


Breakfast: cereal (110c) with almond milk (20c), yogurt (160c)=290c
AM Snack: yogurt=160c
Lunch= soup (70c) and sandwich (300c), cookies (150c)=520c
PM Snack: crackers=150c
Dinner: baked ziti (500c), salad (150c), veggie crudite (150c), garlic bread (300c), cake (400c), coffee (80c), wine (90c)=1670

Total: 2790

(Estimates: dinner was so high because we were celebrating Sarah's birthday with friends)

Friday, February 25, 2011


Weight: 186 (yay!)

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c) and banana (50c), coffee (40c)=220c
AM Snack: luna bar=180c
Lunch: chicken sandwich with cheddar cheese and mustard on walnut wheat bread (325c), chicken noodle soup (80c), half a cookie (50c), greek yogurt (110c), and coffee (40c)=605c
PM Snack: turkey=100c
Dinner: chili (300c) and cornbread (250c)=550c
Post workout Snack: Greek yogurt (140c), cookie (80c)=220c
Ran/Jogged/Walked 30minutes at varying paces/inclines: burned 400c
Total: 1875

Thursday, February 24, 2011


Weight: 187.5

Breakfast: yogurt (100c), cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c) and coffee (40c)=270c
Snack: cookie with the kids=80c
Lunch: chicken and cheddar sandwich (200c), soup (150c), and Greek yogurt (120c)=470c
Post-Workout Snack: Greek yogurt (110c), piece of cheese (60c), 2oz chicken (60c)=230c
Dinner: soup (200c), bread with butter (200c), cookie (50c), coffee (50c), wine (90c)=590c

Total: 1640

Ran 2 miles in 35 minutes, pushing the kids in the jogging stroller, calories burned: 345 (calories burned are just for jogging for 35 minutes and dont include pushing the stroller)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Weight: 188
(I'm surprised, seeing as my calories were so high yesterday, but I'll take it!)

Breakfast: coffee (40c), cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c), yogurt (50c)=220c
A.M. Snack: yogurt=100c
Lunch: HC meal=300c
P.M. Snack: Greek yogurt=110c
After Workout Snack: piece of cheese & 1/4 cookie=100c
Dinner: Hibachi @ Osaka to celebrate Sarah's birthday!  Filet Mignon & Shrimp Hibachi with miso soup, fried rice, and veggies; 3 pieces of sushi; 2 Japanese martinis=est 1500

Total: 2330

Ran 35 minutes at the gym (5k=32min) for 3.3 miles; burned 470 calories

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Weight: 188.5

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c), coffee (40c), and yogurt (50c)=220c
Snack: Greek yogurt=120c
Lunch @ Elevation Burger: burger (750c), fries (500c)=1250c
Snack: 3 100-cal packs=300c
Dinner: roasted skinless chicken breast with herbs and lemon (200c), herb roasted red potatos (200c), salad (150c), and pecan pie (200c)=750c

Total: 2640

I'm guessing tomorrow will be a higher weight day. :(

Today was a really bad food day.  Some of it was eating because I felt melancholy.  Some of it was, 3 hours after a very caloric lunch, I was starving.  Which ticks me off.  I should have told Peter we werent eating there.  I knew this would happen.  :(

Tasty Tuesday: Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Cookies

1/3 cup Hazelnut Flour
1/3 cup Coconut Flour
scant 1 2/3 cup Rice Flour
3/4 cup Brown Sugar
3/4 Granulated Sugar
1 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Salt
1 large egg
2 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 bag (Ghirardelli) Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
1/8 cup water

Cream the butter and sugars.  Add the eggs, vanilla, and water.  In another bowl, mix all your flours, baking soda, and salt.  Add to the wet ingredients.  Add the chocolate chips.  In 375 degree oven, bake for 9-11 minutes (depending on your soft-hard cookie preference; we did 9:30).

43 cookies: 100 calories each

Monday, February 21, 2011


Weight: 190.5

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c) and coffee (30c)=160c
Snack: granola bar=150c
Lunch (Zoups)= soup (200c) and sandwich (500c) and 1/4 roll (100c), followed by frozen yogurt at Kiwi (150c)=1050c
Dinner: broiled perch with tarragon and lemon (250) with collard greens & garlic (50c)=300c
Snack: lemongrass tea with honey (20c)=20c

Total: 1680c

The Week in Review, 2/14-2/20

started out blogging with the scale reading: 189.5 lbs
As of this morning, the scale reads: 190.5 lbs
Total Weight GAINED:   1 lb
This is worse than last week.

I started out the week hoping to do at least 4 days of exercise.
This week, I ran and walked over 5 days.
This is better than last week.

This week, I wanted to keep my calories around 1700 per day.
My best day logged 1095 calories and my worst day logged 2440 calories.
My average calories, per day, for the week, were 1885.

3 of 7 days were within my calorie range.
This is worse than last week.

On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being a complete success with no regrets, I would give this week a 5.  I gained a pound, which I suppose isnt such a huge deal since I had both Valentine's Day and Sophia's birthday in the same week.  But, it's still a gain and that's a bummer.  I am pleased with my working out for the week.


Weight: 189.5 (hoping to break even this week...)

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c) and muffin (150c) with coffee (25c)=305c
Lunch & Dinner: lasagna, salad, italian bread, veggies and dip, apple coffee cake, coffee= est 1800 (for both meals

total: 2105

Saturday, February 19, 2011


weight: 191

Breakfast: cheerios (125c) with almond milk (20c) and coffee (40c)=185c
Snack: granola bar=140c
Lunch: pastrami sandwich (38g pastrami=55c, 1tbsp mustard=5c, 8g swiss cheese= 30c, 50g german rye bread= 90c)=180c
Dinner: fried cutlet (200c) with bbq sauce (25c), broccoli (20c), red cabbage (80c), yeast roll (140) with butter (25c), chocolate SF bar for dessert (100c)=590c

Total: 1095 calories

ran 3.5 miles, burned 450 calories

Bought new clothes today... sizes 8 and 10 for pants and small/medium/large for shirts.  Wow...  The larges were "misses/jr's".

Friday, February 18, 2011


Weight: 191.5 (WTF!!! Stupid period is on its way.... Or it better be!)

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) and almond milk (20c), yogurt (50c)=180c
A.M. Snack: granola bar=140c
Lunch: soup (60c), Subway sandwich (6" veggie delight on 9grain wheat with mustard, pickles, olives, tomato, and onion: 250c), chips (140c), apple slices (35c) and diet coke=485c
Dinner @ Elevation Burger: cheeseburger (800c), 1/2 order of fries (400c), coke zero, 6.5oz yogurt (from Kiwi @25c/oz+topping=175c)=1375c

Total: 2180

Walked to Subway, supermarket, and back home, pushing the stroller: burned 150 calories

Thursday, February 17, 2011


Weight: 191 (UGH!!!)

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) with coconut milk (20c) and banana (40c)=170c
Lunch: HC meal=300c
PreRun Snack: granola bar=140
PostRun Snack: granola bar=140
Dinner@ U&Gs: 2 enchiladas (400c), spanish rice (350c)=750c
Dessert: SF bar=100c

Total: 1600c

Ran 3 miles, 36 minutes: burned 425 calories

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Happy 3rd Birthday, Sophia!

PreBreakfast: coffee=40c
Breakfast: kielbasa and onion ommelett, homefries, and toast (est 800c) and coffee (5c)=805c
Lunch: soup (80c) and sandwich (100c) with coffee (40c) and strawberries (40c)=260c
Dinner: kielbasa (400c), english muffin garlic bread (100c), brocolli (35c), pierogi (200c), brownie (300c)=1035

Total: 2100

Walked 2 miles with a friend while pushing the stroller, burned 235c

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Weight: 190 lbs (Thank you, Valentine's Day!)

Pre-Breakfast: coffee (30c) and a cookie (80c)=110c  (So, I know that starting off a day with one of those delicious chewies isn't a great thing, but I wanted the damn thing and decided it was worth it!!!)
Lunch: crackers (150c) and soup (200c)=350c
Postworkout Snack: granola bar=140c
Dinner: salad (150c) and pasta (525c)=675c
Dessert: brownie=400c

Total: 1675

Ran 3.1m in 33 min, burned 470c

Tasty Tuesday: Tuna Noodle Casserole

1 can of corn
1 can of peas
1 can of cream of celery soup
2 cans of tuna
135g macaroni (about 1.25 cups)
1 serving/30g veggie chips
1/4 cup Mexican blend cheese

Cook the macaroni until it is al dente, about 8 minutes.

Crush the chips to the consistency of thick breadcrumbs.

Mix all the ingredients together and transfer to a casserole dish.  Top with the crushed chips.  Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

4 servings: 400 calories per serving 

Monday, February 14, 2011


Happy Valentine's Day!

Weight: 189.5

Breakfast: sprouted english muffin (160c) with 2tbsp peanut butter (190c) and sliced banana (30c), coffee with coconut milk creamer (40c)= 420c
Lunch: @ Katie's:  cheese tortellini with sauce=700c
Snack: chocolate chewie (Whole Foods)=80c
Dinner: NY strip steak (300c) with mushrooms (30c) and onions (45c), sauteed in 1tbsp butter (50c), mashed sweet potato (215c), kale (125c), sprouted bread (100c) with butter (20c), wine (150c)=1035
Dessert: WF chocolate chewie cookie (160 each) and strawberries (30c) and whipped cream (15c)=205c

Total: 2440c

While not the type of calories I'd like to have on a given day, it's Valentine's Day and I got to make a delicious meal for my honey. :)  Not to mention, a fun lunch with Katie.

The Week in Review, 2/7-2/13

started out blogging with the scale reading: 193.5 lbs
As of this morning, the scale reads: 189.5 lbs
Total Weight Lost:   4 lbs
This is better than last week.

I started out the week hoping to do at least 4 days of exercise.
This week, I ran  and biked over 3 days.
This is worse than last week.

This week, I wanted to keep my calories around 1700 per day.
My best day logged 1370 calories and my worst day logged 2085 calories.
My average calories, per day, for the week, were 1635.

5 of 7 days were within my calorie range; 1 of 7 were only slightly over my calorie goal range.  And the 1 that was the highest was not only a family dinner but was a day that I worked out and burned a lot, so my "net" calories werent that bad!
This is better than last week.

On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being a complete success with no regrets, I would give this week an 8.  I'm happy with my weight loss and that most of my days were within my goal calories.  Yesterday was higher, but I anticipated that, since we were hosting a monthly family dinner gathering and I was making higher calorie items.  But, a great side effect of that meal was that I was full and had ONE bite of pie and was then satiated and done!  It was an awesome experience.  I would have liked to have worked out more but on Thursday, when I was planning to go to the gym, I was just so tired and took a nap instead.  And that was okay too :)

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Weight: 189.5

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c) and coffee (40c)=170c
Lunch: lamb (350c) with gravy (50c), slice of bread (100c) with butter (25c), shallots (100c), roasted potatoes (200c), kale (75c), salad (200c), coffee and a bite of pie (125c), wine (90c)= 1350c
Dinner: sandwich (300c) and soup (100c)=400c
Snack: 100c pack and 100c of choc=200c

Total: 2085

Ran 5 miles in 68 minutes, burned 680c

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Big "O" (MLAL)

Originally posted here

...a special thanks to Peter for the title of this post...
(and, go ahead: get your mind's out of the gutter)

There are certain things that as of this moment I am not.  And one of those things includes the big "O"...  I, as of this moment, am no longer OBESE.  My BMI is now "overweight"!  (Who the hell gets excited about being overweight?  ME!)

A BMI of 30 or more is considered obese.  When I first started this journey in the fall, mine was *gulp* 37.6.  So, not just obese but close to morbidly obese (which is anything over 40, which I was inching close to).  In order to get my BMI into "overweight", I needed to hit 191.  As of this morning, I am 189.  No longer obese.  (Curious what you are?  Click here to calculate.)  In order to get out of the dreaded "overweight" category, my "normal" weight BMI begins at 159, so 30 pounds away!

But for now, overweight isnt dreaded.  It's been anticipated and hoped for.  It's been worked for.  Worked hard for.

And I'm proud.  So very proud of the work I've done and getting to this point.  I've traded one big "O" for another.  And, hopefully by my birthday (which is my goal for hitting 150- my goal weight) will see me trading in this much hoped for "O" for an even more hoped for "HW": Healthy Weight.

It's a good place.  I'm pretty psyched. :)


Weight: 189

Breakfast: sprouted english muffin (160c) with eggs (140c), 2 oz of turkey (60c), and 50g tomato (10c) plus coffee (40c)= 410c
Lunch: turkey and swiss on whole wheat with mayo & mustard (295c) and a pickle spear (10c), with a chocolate heart (40c)=345c
Snack: 100c pack=100c
Dinner:  orange-pomegranate broccoli (65), seasoned monkfish (130), salad (150), vegetable & smoked paprika quinoa (220c), wine (90c)=655
Dessert: cake=350c


Friday, February 11, 2011


weight: 190.5

Breakfast: sprouted grain english muffin (160c) with cream cheese (70c) and banana (50c) and coffee (40c)=320c
Lunch: soup (80c) and turkey (60c) with swiss (60c) on whole wheat (50c) with mayo/mustard spread (55c)=305c
Dinner: ravioli  with tomato cream sauce and asparagus, diced tomato, and shrimp (525c), salad (125c), wine (90c)=740c
Dessert: lime-coconut cake=350c
Starbucks= Skinny Vanilla Latte=150c

Total: 1865

Thursday, February 10, 2011


weight: 191.5

PreBreakfast: coffee=40c
Breakfast: pancakes (150c), banana (50c)=200c
Snack: soup=120c
Lunch @ Ruby Tuesday's with Peter: Chicken Bella, mashed cauliflower, and Zucchini =575
Snack: 2 choc hearts (80c), crackers (100c)=180c
Dinner?: popcorn (100c), SF bar (100c), granola bar (140)=340c
Snack: choc heart=40x
Total: 1495c

Really tired today! (and really wanting chocolate!)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Weight: 191.5

Breakfast: cheerios (110c), almond milk (10c), coffee (5c), and banana (70c)=195c
Playgroup Snack (two kids had a birthday so I split the snack with the kids): cupcake (200c) and piece of chocolate (50c)= 250c
Pre-Workout Snack: Granola Bar=180c
Post-Workout Snack: Bothouse Farms Protein Shake (Vanilla Latte)=320c
PM Snack: 100cal pack=100c
Dinner@Uita & Grandpa's: roast chicken, green bean casserole, and stuffing=900c

Total: 1945

Ran 5K in 27:30, burned 500c

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Pre-Breakfast: coffee=100c
Breakfast: cheerios (110), almond milk (10c)=120c
MidAM Snack: granola bar=150c
Lunch: soup=160c
PostWorkout Snack: granola bar=140c
Dinner: Dirty Rice with Shrimp and Scallops=550c
RLC Mtg: coffee (20c), 2 PB cookies (130c)=150c


8.64 miles on the stationary bike in 24 minutes, burned 420 calories

Tasty Tuesday: Lemon Cake with Raspberry Filling and Lemon Cream Cheese Frosting

Lemon Cake
1 cup butter, softened
4 eggs
2 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
2 cups sugar
1 tbsp lemon zest
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 cup almond milk

Raspberry Filling
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup cornstarch 
4 oz raspberries, reserving 12 for garnish
2 tbsp lemon juice
2 tsp lemon zest

Lemon Cream Cheese Frosting
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter. softened
2-4 tbsp lemon juice
2 cups confectioner's sugar
2 tbsp lemon zest

Spray 3 8" pans with cooking or baking spray and preheat oven to 350°F.  Combine flour, baking powder, soda, and salt and set aside. In a stand mixer, beat butter on medium-high speed for 30 seconds. Add sugar and beat until light; add lemon zest and lemon juice, and beat until well combined. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each. Change speed to low and add flour mixture and almond milk, alternating. Pour into prepared pans and bake for 25 or until done. Cool cakes in pans for 10 minutes before turning out on plates to finish cooling.

While the cake is cooking, heat the raspberries, lemon juice, lemon zest, and sugar over medium heat.  Use a potato masher and mash the berries until the texture of jam.  Bring to a boil, then whisk in cornstarch.  Remove from heat.  As the mixture cools, it will thicken.

In a stand mixer, combine butter and cream cheese and mix on medium high.  Slowly add in the sugar.  Drizzle in enough lemon juice to make the desired texture.  On low, add in the lemon zest.

To Prepare
When the cakes are cool, place one of the layers on a plate.  Top with some frosting.  Layer on  the filling. Add the second layer, top with frosting, and then top the frosting with filling.  Add the final layer and frost the top and sides.  Garnish the top with the reserved raspberries.

24 servings:  315 calories
***NOTE: 24 servings is a sliver of cake per person.  If you have the traditional "slice" and only get 12 slices of this cake, there are 630 calories per slice.***

(For a change, exchange the lemon for an orange or try blackberries in lieu of the raspberries)

Monday, February 7, 2011

A Good Feeling... being able to fit in a medium.

I bought 2 pairs of medium PJ bottoms because they were on clearance at Target today...  And, I'm wearing a pair right now.

It's freaking awesome.


Weight: 193.5

Breakfast: cheerios (110c), almond milk (20c), banana (55c), coffee (40c)=225c
Lunch: soup (160c) and crackers (150c)=310c
early PM Snack: Granola bar=140c
late PM Snack: 100c pack=100c
Dinner: veggies (40c), yam fries (160c), lentil loaf (300c), cake (300c)=800c


The Week in Review, 1/31-2/6

started out blogging with the scale reading: 194.5 lbs
As of this morning, the scale reads: 193.5 lbs
Total Weight Lost:   1 lb
This is worse than last week.

I started out the week hoping to do at least 4 days of exercise.
This week, I ran and used the elliptical over 4 days.
This is the same as last week.

This week, I wanted to keep my calories around 1700 per day.
My best day logged 1530 calories and my worst day logged 2450 calories.
My average calories, per day, for the week, were 1946.

2 of 7 days were within my calorie range; 2 of 7 were only slightly over my calorie goal range.
This is worse than last week.

On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being a complete success with no regrets, I would give this week a 6.  Nicholas's birthday was on the 1st and, although I didnt "overeat" like I used to in times of grief and stress, I didnt eat as well as I could have.  I'm actually surprised I lost the pound I did lose!  I was thinking that I might just break even!  But his birthday was cathartic this year and I feel like I did have some good healing, so, if the cost was a pound or two, it was well worth it.  It's also common that weight loss slows down as you lose weight, so it could be that 1-2 pounds a week is going to be the norm from now on.  We shall see...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Obese Mind (MLAL)

Originally posted here

(This post is all over the place... My apologies in advance...)

It's flattering to hear people say things like "Look how skinny you are!" or "Oh my gosh!  You're going to wither away if you dont stop losing weight!" or "Dont lose too much weight!" or, my favorite, "You look great!".  But, when I look in the mirror, I see the same person I was at 240lbs.  That image hasnt changed.  Sure, I know I've lost 46 pounds.  I can feel it in my clothes (and in needing to buy new clothes).  I can feel it when I walk around.  I can tell by how much easier it is to bang out a 6 mile run, even in the winter, versus what it used to feel like when I ran a mile or two.  So, I know it's true.  I know I've lost weight.

But in my head, I'm still fat.  Really fat. 

This has really made me think.

If I had the opposite problem and suffered from anorexia or bulimia, this would be a problem immediately addressed.  I'd be classified as sick; the DSM IV lists this as an illness.  I could utilize my insurance and go for treatment.  Although binge eating is being considered for inclusion in the DSM, right now there is no over-eating disorder.  Does anyone else see a problem with this?  If you abuse your body to stay thin, you are sick and we want to help you.  If you abuse your body by being obese, we blame you.  You could stop.  You could lose weight if you wanted to.  You choose to be fat.  Many insurances dont even offer reimbursement for gym memberships (with usage of course!) and a fair amount dont cover consults with nutritionists.

I was talking to Peter about this and he said, "But you can stop.  You prove that."

Do I?  Really?

I'm not the only one confounded by the fact that obesity isnt included as a mental disorder.  It's being talked about and it should be.  One of the quotes that really struck me was "Consideration of the mental component of obesity should be a key target in the treatment of obesity to facilitate compliance and minimize relapse."  Can we have that in normal person speak?  We should realize that how overweight and obese people think plays a big role in how they eat.

I struggle.  Every. Damn. Day.  If my feelings are hurt...  If I am stressed...  If I am sad...  I want to go to the kitchen.  No, I feel like I NEED to go to the kitchen.  To rip the pantry apart and eat, eat, eat.  Sweet, salty, I dont care.  Just eat until I can eat no more.  Decimate the candy dish.  Drink the case of soda.  Is think it is safe to say that the above article may hit the nail on the hid by saying some causes of obesity can be linked to food addiction? Right on, doc.

Notice I say "some".  There is a huge debate (amongst docs and those of us in the overweight/obese camp too) about labeling obesity as a brain disorder or a mental illness.  Some people argue "I'm fat- not a nutcase!" while others are begging doctors to see their obesity as the outward sign of something wrong on the inside.  As Peter said while I ranted this afternoon, "There are too many causes of obesity to make it just a mental issue."  And he's right.  By making obesity in the simple "your BMI is too high" fashion a mental illness, we are missing the bigger picture.  Some people may be fat because of medication, because they simply like to eat and dont care if their weight balloons up, or because of a genetic issue.  Some women are heavier because of PCOS and thyroid disease and metabolic issues.  Some because they put on a lot of baby weight and never lost it.  Yes, there are plenty of reasons why.  Plenty.  As many as the stars in the sky.

But some arent.  Some eat because they are sad.  Because they are hurt.  Because they have no reason not to.  Sure, maybe some of the other things play in, too.  But there is a mental component to these people, and that cant be discounted.  

Would I have gone to the gym and changed my lifestyle if someone from my insurance company told me they'd foot the $50/month membership fee?  Probably not... If I'm honest, I'd have said "SURE!" and then, after a month or two, I'd have lost interest and given up.  Now, because I'm the one working out 3-4 times a week, I'm harassing my insurance company to see if they'll pick up the tab as a preventative treatment.  Obesity has a lot of health risks associated with it; among them high blood pressure and high cholesterol.  In the last 4-6 months, I went from having 3 prescriptions a month to 1 (and that's for my Hashimoto's which, in all likelihood, will never go away).  I went from needing injections that cost over $2K a pen just to ovulate and needing the intervention of an RE to try and get pregnant, to ovulating, menstruating, and (even though it ended in miscarriage) getting pregnant on my own.  I'd say these are some significant savings to my insurance company and well worth them picking up my $600 annual gym price tag.  On top of that, the long term outlook of someone within normal weights is significantly better than that of someone overweight or obese.  But my fatness wasnt a big deal...  My doctor mentioned that my weight was high (and that I would be better off losing some), that my BP and cholesterol were high, blah blah blah, here's a pill to help those and, if you'd like, we can give you a pill to help with your weight too.  I saw commercials for Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and this miracle weight loss treatment.  How I, too, could be bikini ready in a few short months on this pill or using this machine or that one.

Because, really, being skinny or fat- we think it's all about how we look.  I want to look better.  I want to fit into those jeans or shop at that store.  I want to be pretty.

What happened to being healthy?  What happened to our doctors wanting us to be healthy (and not pill reliant)?  Why are insurance companies more than willing to cover a bevy of pills but not a gym membership?  Why will they cover god-only-knows the chemicals in some of those prescription diet pills but not consults to nutritionists?  (Let it be said that, while I am asking these questions of insurance companies in general, we do have coverage for nutritionists, mental health professionals, and (possibly!!) gym reimbursement, so I realize that we are very fortunate, but that isnt the case for a vast majority of people).

I remember going to the doctor quite a number of months ago.  My GP was out and so I saw the CPA who told me how she could help me get this great shake-detox-supplement thing to take off my weight.  It worked for her!  I took the card she gave me and looked it up online.  Really?  You're from my doctor's office and your pushing this non-FDA approved (not that that means anything), not really tested, drug-wannabe?  Really?  I blew it off and thought nothing of it.  Now, mind you, I love my doctor and I love the nurses who, when they gave me my recent blood test results, celebrated that my cholesterol was normal and that my sugars were healthy, but it still rubs me the wrong way that someone in their practice thought hawking that crap was okay.

I dont know what would have helped me.  I really dont.  For me, it was realizing that I couldnt go on this way... That I couldnt keep blaming something else for the simple fact that I ate too much and wasnt exactly eating the best things.  That Bobby and Maya were going to look to me for their example of how and what to eat, and I was a crappy example.  That I needed to "woman up" and be a better mother.  That I didnt want them having the same issues with food that I have.

It's hard because I think that people look at me now and think that I'm somehow cured.  That it was as simply and as easy as counting calories and exercising and, wow, look-ee there, she's lost weight!  But it isnt.  It's a constant struggle.  Not eating well- that's actually the easy part.  And the portion control?  Now that I know it, it's easier too.  And I dont feel sick after eating, so that's a great thing.  But the emotional part?  The part that "feels" obese?  The part that still aches to cram as much food in my mouth as I possibly can when someone hurts my feeling?  Still there.  I can have one cookie and walk away because I know now that I dont need to eat the entire box, but (for now at least) the feeling of "needing" food in my darker moments is still there.

And I fight them, every single time.  And maybe that means I've won the war and I really am "cured".  Or, maybe it means that I'm only winning the battles as they come.

But that's still something.

And I'll take it.


Superbowl Sunday!

Weight: 193.5 lbs

Breakfast: cheerios (110c), almond milk (20c), 2 cups of coffee (10c), one with coconut milk creamer (40c), banana (50c)=230c
Post Run Snack: SF bar (100c), sprouted grain english muffin (160c) w/ cream cheese (70c)=330c
PM Snack: sliver of Nicholas & Sophia's birthday cake=200c
Lunch: 1/2 hulumki (150c), 1/2 kielbasa (150c), kraut (40c), mashed potatoes (100c)=440c
Dinner: pork chops (250c), stuffing (260c), veggies (50c)=560c
Dessert: 2 dark choc hearts (80c), piece of N&S's cake (250c)=330c


Ran 5.5 miles in 70 minutes, outside, burned 715 calories

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Weight: 194.5

Breakfast: 2 eggs (140) made with almond milk (20c) and cheese (80c), toast (100c) with jam (50c), bacon (80c), OJ (50c)= 520c
Lunch: HC Meal=300c
PM Snack: SF bar=100c
PM Snack: 2 dark choc hearts=80c
Dinner: pork chop (200c), rice & beans (150c), plantain (75c), english muffin (75c), 1/2 corn muffin (60c), kielbasa (125c), pierogi (200c), broccoli (25c), cake (350c), wine (90c), coffee w/ coconut milk creamer (60c)=1410c

Total: 2410c

Friday, February 4, 2011


Weight: 195 (WTF???)

Breakfast: oat bran cereal (120c), almond milk (20c), yogurt (100c)=240c
AM Snack: granola bar=150c
Lunch: tuna sandwich (250c) and chicken & rice soup (120c)=370c
PM Snack: 2 pieces dark chocolate=80c
Dinner: spaghetti w/ veggie "meat" sauce (450c), salad (100c), and garlic bread (140c)=690c

Total: 1530

Thursday, February 3, 2011


恭禧發財 - Gong Xi Fa Cai  Happy Chinese New Year!

Weight: 194.5

Breakfast: cheerios (110c) with almond milk (20c), V8 (50c), and banana (55c)=235c
AM Snack: granola bar=150c
Lunch: a few bites of rice and beans (75c), HC meal (250c), 2 dark choc hearts (80c)=405c
Pre-Workout Snack: 2 PB cookies (130c), goldfish (50c)=180c
Post-Workout Snack: milkshake made with 66g choc ice cream (140c) and 1/3c almond milk (20c)=160c
Dinner: Chinese!  2 veggie dumplings (90c), 2 shrimp money bags (50c), small shrimp eggroll (75c), 2 shrimp wontons (95c), 2tbsp duck sauce (45c), Shanghi-Style Shrimp with veggies and noodles (285c)= 640c

Total: 1770

Ran 3 miles in 33 minutes, burned 425c; stretched for 15 minutes, burned 85c: total burned 510c

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


Breakfast: cheerios (110c), almond milk (20c), banana (90c)=220c
Lunch: HC meal (250c), 2 dark choc hearts (80c)=330c
PM Snack: goldfish (50c), granola bar (150c), 100c pack=300c
Dinner: tuna casserole (400c), salad (150c)=550c
Dessert: 2 dark choc hearts=80c
Snack: SF bar=100c

Total: 1580

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Happy 3rd Birthday, Nicholas!

Breakfast: 2 egg veggie & cheese omelette with homefries and toast=600c
Snack: 2 hershey's minatures=90c
Lunch: PB (150c) and J (30c) on wheat (90c)=270c
Snack: chocolate= 200c
Dinner: fried pork chop (700c), rice (1c190c), cornbread (160c), beans (90), maduros (110), choc heart (40c)=1290

Total: 2450
Not exactly a great way to start the month...

5k run in 33min: burned 456.3 cal

Month In Review: January 2011

I began January 1st weighing 209lbs with a BMI of 32.7.
As of February 1st, I weigh 194 lbs and have a BMI of 30.4.

My measurements are 42-35-45 and my stomach is 40. I have lost 15 lbs and 2.3 BMI points.
Overall, I have lost 46 lbs and 7.2 BMI points.

Overall, I have lost 3.5 inches to my bust, 10 inches to my waist, 6 inches to my hips, and 9 inches to my stomach.  I have gone from a size 20 pants to a size 10 pants.  In workout wear, my pants went from a 2X to a L.
For the month of January, I worked out 19 times, with a mix of yoga, running, elliptical use, and ab work.  This averages to more than every other day!

My calorie goal per day for January was to consume 1700 calories.  My best day was 970 and my worst day was 2340, for an average of 1748.5 per day.  This is 48.5 over my increased goal, and is a significant decrease from last month.  

I'm really proud of myself. I'm losing weight consistently.  I'm not married to my eating anymore.  I have a good grasp on myself and I have my food addiction in check.  If I want a cookie, I have A cookie.  I dont need the package anymore.  It's been a long time coming, but I'm really, really proud of my hard work.

January 30, 2011