Monday, July 16, 2012

Recommitting

I have a confession to make, and it's one I'm not happy about.

A year ago, I was down to about 165.  Today? Not so much.  Over the weekend, I topped the scale at 190. Nowhere near 251, but still, not a happy place to be. My 'happy spot' is 165-175, and I'd love to see if 150-160 could be a happy place, but I havent managed that yet.

Have I mentioned that I'm pissed off?

The problem still surrounds 'emotional eating' and making excuses for bad behavior. That has led me to having my size 8s feel too tight to wear comfortably, and I'm not willing to go back to the double digits so, thankfully with the help of a good blogger turned IRL friend, J, I am trying to get myself together.

It's a combo of things. There's my MHB work which brings back memories sometimes that are easily held at bay by eating (awful, but true)... There's the growing up of Bobby and Maya, which has me sneaking a bite of leftover stuff here or there (more here and there, to be honest)... My marriage is in a good place, so that is a help.  But, overall, there are times where I feel out of sync and use food almost as a self punishment.

I know this.  I know it and I have to change.

I've made the choices that got me here, and I can continue to make better choices. But the bad choices are just so much easier!

J and I have decided to text each other when we eat/exercise as a way to be held accountable. So far, day 1, it's helping me. ALOT. Knowing that I have her to go to, both when I'm having a bad moment for encouragement but also as a positive example for her bad moments, makes me feel supported as well as a supporter. I feel more in control. It's a good thing.

This morning was a great morning, food wise.  I ate a healthy, in portion breakfast (whole grain cheerios with bluberries and unsweetened almond milk plus tea), followed by a nice snack during playgroup (small snack cake, coffee) and lunch (grapes, chips, and a turkey and cheese sandwich), for a grand total of less than 700 calories. I think that's been breakfast recently, so I'm pretty happy. The scale registered 189.5 today (better than the 190 but still no 175, which I'm putting as the high side of acceptable).

Sometimes I feel like an alcoholic; it's just that food is my booze of choice. So, one day at a time... One day... One...

EDIT @ 7:26pm:
Afternoon Snack: scone and jam (est. 350c)
Afternoon Snack: cheese stick and turkey (130c)
Dinner: garlic bread (150c), white clam sauce pasta (300c), stuffed clams (300c)
Total: 1930c

This is over my 1700 target; the night is young.  Maybe I'll get in a 2-3 mile run after dinner to loose 300 or so calories from the day...

EDIT @ 8:40
Ran 2.533 miles in 23:30 (a 6.4mph pace), burned 340 calories
NET for the day: 1590 calories
SWEET!!!