Monday, August 28, 2017

Fell Off the Wagon

Well... I fell off the wagon.  Big surprise.  I lasted an entire week.  Kids, the whole newborn experience, homeschooling, marriage stuff... They feed into my addiction like a fuel pump.  I don't really write much anymore which sucks the life out of me.  I don't have time to run like  I need to.  My personal life, well, it's a work in progress.  But being a work in progress forces me to really look at myself.

I look back at the period when I put my eating disorder in remission as a time when I had my shit together.  But the truth is that I just compartmentalized away the reasons behind my disorder and never actually addressed those issues.  And now, it feels like the bandage was ripped off and I have to deal with those issues so that I can work through my current issues and try to not just put this disorder into a remission but to try and knock it out.

So hear we are.  Day 1 again.  I spent yesterday writing out a plan of snacking and activity.  I packed snacks into single serving containers into the fridge and counter.  I know that I have to be better.  I have to get healthy.  I can't make it right now and everything is pouring lighter fluid on the fire of this disorder.  If I don't get myself together, I'm going to go up in flames. 

So... we will see how this works.  Back at Day 1 again.